"My Mom Went Out Of Control"

That is exactly what Emily raised her hand to say during sharing time in preschool today, "Ms. Andy, my mom went out of control.  She screamed loud!"  Thankfully, when I picked Emily up, and Ms. Andy told me about Emily's comment to the whole class, she laughed about it and said that all of the other kids started chiming in and relating to Emily by saying what their mommies do when they go out of control.  Ms. Andy has 2 grown daughters, and made me feel so normal, especially when she told me what the other kids said about their moms.  It made me feel like I fit right into the crazy mom club.  

Emily has been a joy from the very beginning, but she has also been high maintenance in certain areas, and extremely head strong when it comes to certain things.  Every.single.day she fights me when it's time to do her hair, or get dressed into something she doesn't want to wear (when her "go to" pants and top are dirty and she has to wear something else), or when we have to put socks and shoes on to leave the house, or when I want her to go to the bathroom before we leave the house (because lately she has been having random accidents).  The truth of the matter is, Emily is my daughter and because of that, we butt heads sometimes.  I want the control and so does she.  We have come a long way together, especially in this past year, and this morning was a very low moment in motherhood for me.  It feels good to put it out there and own the crazy state I went to, and I blame some of it on my hormones that are pulsing through my body while growing another baby.  

Long story short, I tried to keep my cool, and remain calm, and talk kindly and precisely to Emily during the morning hours that she was repetitively being disobedient to most everything I said.  Then it was time to do the normal routine things (like hair, bathroom and socks and shoes) and she started fighting me on it, I could feel my frustration rising.  The straw that broke this camel's back was Emily peeing her pants while sitting on the bathroom floor right next to the toilet, whining and crying about not wanting to go potty.  I lost it, and all the patience I had exercised all morning was foiled in a matter of a 2 minute rage.  When it was all over, I felt terrible, Emily was bawling and it was time to get in the car for preschool.  Before she walked through her classroom door, I knelt down by her at her back pack cubby, gave her a hug and said a prayer in her ear that we would both feel better and that she would have a good day at school.  I guess she was over it, because sharing time is the first thing they do, and we all know what her piece of information was that she wanted to share..."my mom went crazy one me!"

I do not want to be a yelling, out of control mom.  I do not want my kids to be obedient because they are scared of what I might do otherwise, but rather because they respect me and like me enough to be obedient.  Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to try it all again.  Here's hoping!