Sweet Relief

So as you can tell from my baby tracker above...I am 17 weeks and a few days pregnant, however, I don't feel pregnant, I don't look pregnant, I have no pregnancy symptoms, etc. So you could understand that I LIVE for the doctor's appointments every 4 weeks. It's the only time that another person, a doctor, looks me in the eye and says, "everything is normal, we'll see you in 4 weeks." From then on, the next 4 weeks seem like forever to wait to have another reassuring confirmation that everything is normal. I have been so blessed with a very, extremely, incredibly, easy pregnancy thus far, and I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb waiting for something to go wrong because I have had it so good! Backwards way of thinking, I know, but honestly this is what crosses my mind each and every day of those 4 weeks in between doctor's appointments.

Well, this afternoon was the much anticipated "next appointment" that I scheduled 4 weeks ago. Devin has been hearing my anxiety over the past 4 weeks, so I'm sure he was just as excited as I was to hear the heartbeat once again and know that all is well. So I'm laying on the rolled out paper in the doctor's office, and the doctor gets her cool little hand held, heartbeat finder, gaget...and starts moving the wand all across my belly trying to find it. I'm staring at her face as she continues to search....nothing...still staring at her face to see her reaction after a minute goes by (which seems like FOREVER) with no luck of finding a heartbeat....nothing....another 30 seconds go by, and at this point my eyes go to Devin and of course Devin just gives me a reassuring nod and smile as if to say, "Be patient, she'll find it.".....and sure enough she did...and the relief washed over me and all the worrying I had done the passed 4 weeks escaped my mind and my eyes began to swell up with tears at the sweet sound of a fast beating, little, baby heart. It was so distinct and you could hear my heartbeat as well. Mine was much much slower, and in between my beats was the fast beating of the baby. It was music to my ears. When I hear that heartbeat every month I know it's real, and I already feel such love and concern for the little one inside. I'm sure the doctor thought I was a freak for practically crying when she found the heartbeat, so I offered an explanation.

Me: "You know how I have told you that I have had no symptoms, and how everyday is smooth sailing...well...everyday I think to myself...what if something is wrong with the baby and I will have no idea until my next appointment? What if the baby is no longer alive in there and I have to wait X amount of days before I'll know?" (morbid thought, I know...but it's the raw truth!)

She gave me a big smile and said, "I understand, and the heartbeat sounds perfectly normal and healthy, and we'll see you in 3 weeks for your ultrasound" (to find out if this "IT" baby is a boy or a girl!)

So there you have it...I now only have 3 1/2 weeks to wait until I can feel reassured again. I CANNOT WAIT to find out what we're having!! Monday, March 29th is the big 20 week appointment (even though I'll be 21 weeks by then). YES!