My 5th Mother's Day

The day before Mother's Day, I took the little girl that first made me a mother on a date, just me and her.  She came with me to the hair salon and sat and watched me get a hair cut.  (She was happy she got a few suckers to occupy her while she watched the lady cut my hair.)  We stopped at the store and got the candy of her choice, twizzlers, before I took her to the very place where she came into the world.  We live 2.5 miles away from the hospital that both Emily and Claire were born.  It was fun to show her right where she was born and tell her the story of how she made me a mom.  

Here is my little cutie in one of the delivery rooms.

The next day, Mother's Day, was a sweet one.  We went to church and motherhood was celebrated all 3 hours.  I came home feeling more motivated and encouraged to keep on, keeping on in my mothering efforts.  

The more time that passes, since I have become a mother, the more I come to understand. realize and appreciate just what my mother, and the other women who have played {and still play} a mothering role in my life, did/have done/are doing in my behalf.  All of the sacrifice, hard work, lack of sleep and never ending service.  It is a shame that is takes 25+ years for a mother to receive the understanding of all her work and love and patience from the child to which she invested it.  The return on a mother's investment takes a long time!  

I AM SO GRATEFUL for the women who mothered and still mother me.  My gratitude is deep, empathetic, true and personal.  I love being a mom.  It is the greatest journey I have ever embarked on, and also the HARDEST adventure I have ever begun as well.  There are days that I feel hopeless in all of my efforts to be a "good mom".... to be the kind of mom I so desire to be, because my weaknesses win out.  There are days where it feels like I am going to be a mom to young, completely dependent children FOREVER; that this phase of motherhood will never end, and that feels daunting.  I think about my own mom who died when her third and last baby (me) was only 4 years old.  The only phase of motherhood she ever knew was the one that I have been living for the past {almost} 5 years, and my heart breaks for her that she didn't get to ever see more of the fruits of all her labor.  She left behind an 8, 6 and 4 year old.  She was finally getting to the sweet spot.  Her baby had one more year at home before kindergarten, and she was close to getting a lot more of her freedom back.  More time to get more of herself back, after years of living in the trenches of early mornings, late nights, temper tantrums, wiping bums, cleaning up messes on her hands and knees only to have milk spill minutes later, bickering, fighting, wrestling little bodies to get dressed and tying shoes before walking out the door only to tie them again upon getting out of the car, being responsible for literally EVERYTHING that 3 small children need every hour of everyday, loading and unloading us all in and out of the car on every errand she ever ran, cooking and preparing every meal that went into our mouths and ALL THE WHILE, trying to squeeze in meaningful moments of love and teaching and quality time in the midst of the relentless chores that accompany small babies/toddlers/children.  That was what my own mother experienced.  She never knew anything else.

 I don't know any other phase of motherhood than the one I just described.  I don't know what challenges go along with elementary/middle/high school aged children, as I know that they are different from the ones I am experiencing.  But from the mothers that are in the next phase ahead of me, I hear that even though there are different challenges, the kids at least have moments of perspective and "pay days" happen where they say "thank you for..." or "I understand why you..." or "mom can I help you with..."  My own mother didn't make it to that phase.  In all honestly, I feel like she got completely gypped.  So mom, here I am 26 years after you left this world, saying THANK YOU and I UNDERSTAND and I WISH I COULD HAVE HELPED YOU in the ways you needed it during those long hard days when I surely was a handful.  

I love my little munchkins, and as difficult a picture I just painted in the paragraph above...these three little human beings that I was blessed to carry and bring into this world bring me SO MUCH JOY!  And being a mother. alongside Devin being a father, is unparalleled to any other experience I have ever had, and probably will ever have.  Family {marriage and children} is the greatest investment of my time and effort.  I believe the walls of my own home, with my husband and children, are truly the place where my intentions are good, my shortcomings shine, forgiveness follows and love ultimately abides.  I may not be working in a career outside of my house, wearing high end suits with perfect hair everyday, but I know the worth of my work is great, and I need not feel hopeless because this is all part of God's plan of happiness.  The work space of my home is the best place where I can grow my talents, try to strengthen my weaknesses and develop attributes that serve my family well, if I but get out of bed each morning and try to be better while forgiving myself when I fall short.  It is truly all about perspective, isn't it??!  The things (or people) that are the most worthwhile, require the most work and perseverance.....and the payoffs are HUGE!

(a few photos of my mom and her children)